On a Lack of Motivation

Lately, I have been very unmotivated, and I am trying to find out why. I have been playing the always-dangerous blame game: "I can't write because of the housework," "I can't write because I had to bring day-job work home," "I can't write because I need to publish a blog." :)  The blame game is not fun. There is no Chuck Woolery or Wink Martindale to flash a plastic smile and give me a parting gift. Usually the blame game only ends in me hurting someone else and feeding into my lack of motivation, which is the real reason I don't get to writing every day.

My lack of motivation can be pretty astounding. If I may digress with one of the more striking examples . . . One night at 10 p.m., I found myself with 4 hours of writing time before me (Bedtime is 2 a.m). So, I go into the kitchen to get a glass of water. On the counter are two coconuts. I bought them, 2 for a dollar, at the local produce market; but had not found a use for them. So, instead of writing, I decided that I would find a use for at least one of these coconuts. I found a recipe that required coconut milk and looked up how to make it. This was quite a long process which involved me on my hands and knees trying to quietly crack open a coconut without waking my girlfriend upstairs. This was a clandestine operation that ended with me baking the fruit in the oven for a 1/2 hour. Needless to say the coconut milk I made was disgusting and I ended up buying some the next day to finish the recipe.

This coconut-milk-making process lasted about 3 hours. So, there went a night of writing. But, why did it happen? I love writing. I certainly love the finished product. I have dozens of ideas daily. But, why don't I write? It can't be fear of success, but that is a reoccurring waking dream of mine. My girlfriend thinks it is lack of exercise and sleep, and I think she has a point. But, I can't seem to get motivated to exercise, and how can I sleep when there is so much procrastinating to be done? :)

Thanks for letting me SCREAM!